Welcome, America, to the Season of Guilt, a.k.a. The Holidays. Right now you’re probably feeling bad about yourself for one of the following traditional reasons:
- You are either missing absent members of your family, or dreading the approach of a family member who is never absent enough — for instance, your insufferable great aunt Maude who arrives later today by Greyhound and needs to be picked up in a car she can smoke cigars in.
- You either feel guilt for not cooking Thanksgiving dinner yourself, or you worry you won’t cook it well enough to please certain hard-to-please members of your family — such as your stormy vegetarian nephew Albert, who called you a fascist last year because you used the word “giblets” in conversation.
- Either you are recently unemployed or you’re working twice as hard as usual because your employers just laid off everybody else. And yet you know that Black Friday is coming, and with it the fiscal & emotional demands of Christmas gift-giving — demands such as from your daughter Phina who demands a new iPod because the one you gave her last year is scratched, and “boring”.
Here at Famous Author Mykle Hansen, we empathize deeply with your holiday depression. We’re stressed too. We just finally published a new novel — a year’s worth of work! — and you’d think it’s time for a rest and a well-deserved meal, but no! Now we have to sell the damn thing! Which shouldn’t be hard, because it’s a great book (we’d know, we wrote it) but nobody’s heard of it yet because it’s only been on the shelves for a week.
That’s why we’re asking you to take a moment for yourself this Thursday — a moment with your real family, your online family over here in Internet-land. At some point this Thursday you’ll be fed up, ready to scream, past your limit. And while the furious hurling of cranberries is always cathartic, odds are good that you’d be stuck with the cleanup. Instead, why not excuse yourself to your private study, toolshed or car — or wherever a decent Internet connection can be found. There you’ll find the soothing succor of the Interwebs: lolcats, dwarf porn, and us.
Because it’s at that blackest moment of holiday madness that you’re most likely to need the healing power of comedy! And this Thanksgiving we offer you three (3!) new books that combine sardonic, Bizarro comedy with a proud denunciation of the hell that is Thanksgiving dinner. They are:
LICK YOUR NEIGHBOR, by Chris Genoa, combines a whodunnit about a murdered pet turkey named Gus with an eerie Pilgrim-era tale of witchcraft, double-crossing and animal husbandry at the original Thanksgiving dinner. It’s every bit as profane, ridiculous and surprising a book as you’d expect from the author of FOOP! — a book that Christopher Moore called “a surreal pie in the face.” And it has ninjas.
THE VEGAN REVOLUTION … WITH ZOMBIES is by David Agranoff. It’s zombie Portland hipsters versus lovable vegans armed with shotguns. If that’s not a good reason to read a book, I don’t know what is!
So this Thanksgiving, we’d like to ask your support in purchasing these three books from Amazon.com . By doing so, you’ll be helping out independent authors, getting a head start on your Christmas shopping and spending precious moments away from your family.
Furthermore, by making your purchase on Thanksgiving you’ll help us to reach other disaffected Amazon shoppers stuck in the same sad gravy boat as yourself. That’s why there are no BUY NOW buttons on this page. We’d rather you BUY THEN. Together we can get the Amazon salesrank for these books below ten thousand on Thanksgiving. And if we do that, just for one day, Amazon.com will start recommending these books to random strangers! Random strangers who are just as depressed and confused as the rest of us. Random strangers who need help deciding what book to buy. Random strangers who need you!
So this Thanksgiving, please help us help you to help yourself, help your family, help some random strangers and, above all, help us. Join Mykle Hansen, David Agranoff and Chris Genoa for ESCAPE FROM THANKSGIVING!