Archive for the 'Events' Category

LIGHTBAR High Culture Night … in PINK!

Tuesday, February 15th, 2011

LIGHTBAR, in association with Eraserhead Press, presents …


Saturday February 26th,
7pm until the wee hours

9317 SE Stanley Ave, Milwaukie

WHAT TO EXPECT: Fine wine, challenging hors d’oeuvres, bizarro literary hijinks, high-speed competitive performance art, Japanese pop, weird movies, physical culture and dancing, dancing, dancing!

WHAT TO WEAR: Pink! Hoity-Toity!  Extra points for monacles and snoods.

WHAT TO BRING: Something to drink!  Something to share!  Your favorite camera!  And a five-minute performance art piece of your own devising.



Midnight Mystery Lightbar!

Thursday, February 10th, 2011

FRIDAY NIGHT, Febuary 11, in conjunction with The Midnight Mystery Ride, LIGHTBAR proposes …

Midnight Mystery Lightbar! (BLUE NIGHT)

The Midnight Mystery Ride is a monthly bicycle adventure in Portland. Join us at the Alleyway Pub after 11pm. At midnight, we ride to a LIGHTBAR in an undisclosed location and rage ’till dawn!

THIS IS A BIKE RIDE. The secret location is not accessible by car. Please don’t ask.

PLEASE BRING ALL OF THE FOLLOWING STUFF: Blinky lights! Boom boxes! Something to drink, something to share, something to burn! Dancing shoes! And an ashtray for your cigarette butts.

WHAT TO WEAR: Something borrowed, something blue!

A tour of the galaxy!

Wednesday, February 9th, 2011

Sincere thanks to everyone who made LIGHTBAR’s opening night so sparkly and delicious!  As promised, here is a brief outline of this month’s planned events.  Watch this space for specific details on each event.

(As mentioned previously, LIGHTBAR is a spaceship that lifts off.  So please, don’t come to my house for any of these remaining events.  We won’t be there.)

Join us on FRIDAY/SATURDAY FEBRUARY 11th for Midnight Mystery Lightbar!  Show up at the Alleyway Pub and ride your bike to a stunning secret location!   Wear BLUE!  Bring something to share!  And your blinky lights and your favorite FM-radio-compatible boombox.  (And a bicycle — no exceptions!)

FRIDAY/SATURDAY/SUNDAY FEBRUARY 18-20 is the weekend of Minibike Winter, an outdoor festival of ridiculous sports.  LIGHTBAR will be taking the weekend off, but we hope to see you there!

SATURDAY FEBRUARY 26th: LIGHTBAR returns with BIZARRO NIGHT — an enchanted evening of literature, music, Japanese pop culture, strange behavior and the color PINK.

SATURDAY march 5th MARCH 19th is BOAT NIGHT!  Bring us your canoe, your dinghy, your motorboat yearning to be free.  Together we will sail to dark and distant isles!  More info as the river rises. (Sorry, RESCHEDULED for next year.)

What to wear in outer space?

Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011

This year, LIGHTBAR explores the cold, uncharted outer reaches of the Portland system, in search of solar radiation and good times.  As any Portlander knows, there’s no such thing as an inhospitable planet if you’ve got the right outerwear.  Therefore, as a service to our crew members, here’s a handy list of LIGHTBAR fashion dos and don’ts. Read the rest of this entry »

LIGHTBAR LAUNCH! Saturday, February 5th!

Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011

What's that blinding orb in the sky?

Darkness sucks! Light is awesome! Spring is coming!

It’s Opening Night at
L I G H T B A R !
5536 NE 27th Ave

Please come christen our interurban spaceship, before we launch it directly at the sun!
Read the rest of this entry »

Happy Stick Day!

Tuesday, January 11th, 2011

Today was the best baby-Stickday of the century: 1/11/11 !  In celebration, here are a bunch of sticks:

The fifth wheel ... more of a record needle.

Gorgeous, long, strong, straight bamboo that Brian Garretson & I cut from Ross Blanchard's place.

Read the rest of this entry »

Lightbar 2011 Volunteers Potluck!

Tuesday, January 4th, 2011

Demand for LIGHTBAR is at an all-time high!

I have promised LIGHTBAR and I will deliver LIGHTBAR.  But I need help.

Kinds of help I need include:

  • Cultural events of every kind!
  • A large quantity of strong bamboo.
  • Volunteer assistance in January with the construction of LIGHTBAR
  • Volunteer assistance in February with the operation of LIGHTBAR
  • A portable generator capable of supplying several thousand watts
  • Various types of wide-spectrum lighting.
  • Candles!
  • Boom-boxes!
  • Documentarians to record the whole event
  • smoke, lasers, explosions, anacondas

Portablility has always been part of my vision for LIGHTBAR.  LIGHTBAR should never be taken for granted, should always appear unexpectedly.  It should be a glowing thing that arrives and vanishes mysteriously, a truly temporary autonomous zone, a spaceship of sorts.

This spaceship will need a crew, to help with set-up, breakdown and the exploration of strange new worlds.  My goal is that one truck or some small number of cargo bicycles will be able to transport all the main components of LIGHTBAR, setting up and breaking down in 30 minutes or less.  In 2011 we will combine the LIGHTBAR aesthetic with the technologies and ethics of ultra-light camping — discovering public spaces, inhabiting them, leaving them in better condition than we found them.

In support of all this, and as an excuse to huddle in this particularly cold part of the year, I’m hosting a meeting of the volunteers, potluck-style, at my house.  Monday January 10th, 7pm.  Nothing is mandatory, but  do drop by if you’re feeling helpful or curious.  Bring something to share if you can, but check in with me so we don’t end up with twenty pasta salads.  We will eat, drink and socialize.  I will unveil my ideas for LIGHTBAR 2011 and beyond, and you can unveil yours.

Ladies & Gentlemen … Nate Beaty!

Thursday, November 25th, 2010

As part of this thing called ESCAPE FROM THANKSGIVING, here is an interview I conducted with Nate Beaty, super-genius and close personal friend. For my latest novel, THE CANNIBAL’S GUIDE TO ETHICAL LIVING, Nate Beaty drew fantastic illustrations of thirteen disgusting meals.

Read the rest of this entry »

Happy Birthday, Brady!

Sunday, October 10th, 2010

Where's Brady?

Everybody loves Brady!  I don’t live as close to Brady as I used to, so every visit is special.  And today is Brady’s official Heptatrideccenial Jubilee — the perfect day to take a tour of our beloved Brady.

100 Miles Later …

Wednesday, May 19th, 2010

Jetstream Peloton by Gabriel Amadeus

… we made it!  Ten of the eleven members of Team Jetstream reached the beach, on nine of our ten tallbikes.  (Sadly, Doc was hobbled by knee issues and had to take the sag wagon.  Those issues didn’t stop him from throwing beer at me when I reached the finish line.)

We started together at 6:30 AM, but soon split into Team Fast and Team Slow, with myself in the latter pack.  I got to the finish around 6 PM, so that’s a good eleven and a half hours to travel 104 miles — slow but steady.  About 3000 bicyclists rode in this year’s Reach The Beach; 2900 of them rode past me at some point.  Nearly a thousand of them asked me how I get down from that thing.  But I finished in front of two other tallbikes on our team, including the behemoth tandem captained by Max Taint with no stoker.

It almost didn’t happen; my three-speed rear wheel began to self-destruct a week before the event!  Even worse, my replacement 7-speed internal SRAM hub arrived with pieces missing.  Kudos to Aaron’s Bicycle Repair in Seattle for stocking the obscure sub-parts my obscure part needed.  I got the wheel built on Thursday and spent Friday riding off every curb in my neighborhood, testing it for strength.  On Saturday I rode it 100 miles, and it’s still straight as an arrow.

My butt hurt like hell, but three days later I feel just fine.  It’s remarkable what you can learn about your body by torturing it.  The team training rides we did this month were very helpful.  Last night I spent about an hour stretching out my sore, stiff body, and I noticed my legs have gotten larger.  Weird.

I would like to publicly thank my sponsors: Skeeter, Fiona, Patty & Ralph, the Vosaclos and the mysterious “Oxygn luvr!”  Together we raised real money for a great cause.  I’d also like to thank all the members of Team Jetstream for rallying with great purpose and effort around one of my most far-fetched ideas.

I suppose I should mention at this point that I have an article about tallbikes in the latest issue of Momentum Magazine, and that I’m organizing a tallbike picnic on June 26th in Portland, as part of Pedalpalooza.  Can’t get enough of them tallbikes, I guess.  (Although I haven’t been up one it once since I crossed that finish line.  Walking … I love walking … )