Archive for September, 2009

Coffee Project: Day Thirty-Nine

Saturday, September 26th, 2009

Craving

Over a month without coffee and I still feel sluggish.  Perhaps I just am; perhaps sluggish is the real me.  But I had hoped that by giving my body a break from the caffeine I would find some secret store of energy and motivation in myself.  Apparently it’s not so simple.

Since I quit coffee I’ve been going to bed earlier, and rising earlier, but I don’t feel any healthier, wealthier or wiser.  In fact, I have been waking up for no reason in the middle of the wee hours, anywhere from three to six AM.  I don’t think it’s because my body’s done sleeping — I feel groggy and miserable when I wake up like that.  Usually if I go downstairs for a glass of water and then climb back into bed, I fall right back to sleep.  But if I lie there trying to sleep, I’ll be awake until dawn.

I miss coffee.  No matter how long I do this, I always will.  I am beginning to doubt this whole project; I still remember why I quit, and I still agree, but the whole experience seems like an absence.  It’s brought nothing new into my life, it’s only taken things out.  I need to fill that hole with something. Read the rest of this entry »

Coffee Project: Day Twenty-Four

Friday, September 11th, 2009

Slowly, slowly, I do feel myself climbing up out of the pit of no coffee.  I am less depressed, less confused, more able to function.  Initiative and motivation are still fleeting, and I’m still tired in the afternoons, but I’m able to make myself do things that need doing.

But writing without coffee is still very hard.  Nothing bubbles up from inside, nothing just occurs to me.  I am visited by long pauses in which nothing happens, inside or out.  I have lists of things to write about, facts I believe important to report, but finding the words is like hauling heavy buckets of water up out of a well. Read the rest of this entry »