What to wear in outer space?

February 2nd, 2011

This year, LIGHTBAR explores the cold, uncharted outer reaches of the Portland system, in search of solar radiation and good times.  As any Portlander knows, there’s no such thing as an inhospitable planet if you’ve got the right outerwear.  Therefore, as a service to our crew members, here’s a handy list of LIGHTBAR fashion dos and don’ts.

DON’T: wear a glum face!  LIGHTBAR is a happy place!
DO: carry a backpack full of PBR at all times.

DO: Dress to impress, and keep your space laser handy!
DON’T: Never turn your back on the ocean!

DO: Maximize hotness!
DON’T: Do not stare into laser with remaining eye.

DO: wear white on Launch Day!
DON’T: be a wall-flower.  Dance, goddammit!

DO: bring your protective eyewear!
DON’T: seal off your beer-hole with space gear.

DO: wear a big number 3 on your shirt.  Sexy!
DON’T: bring your own yurt.  Yurts will be provided!

DO: expose yourself to wide-spectrum light.  It’s good for you!
DON’T: Don’t just stand there with your mouth hanging open … get your kit on and come to LIGHTBAR!

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