Coffee Project: Day Fifty-Eight

October 17th, 2009

I feel fine now.  My mind is in a good place.  I’m getting things done, I’m working, I’m even writing a little.  Life without stimulants isn’t so bad.

But Monday will be the sixty day mark of this experiment, and also my forty-first birthday.  I’d like to celebrate with a really good cup of coffee.

Abstinence is easier than moderation for me.  But moderation is what I want.  It would be great to enjoy a cup of coffee over lunch with a friend, every now and then, and not feel crippled without it.  To use it for what it’s good for, and then leave it alone.

I miss coffee.  I know I said a lot of bad things about coffee.  Coffee, I’m sorry.  I wish we could still be friends, in a healthy relationship free of abuse and clingy-ness.  It wasn’t all your fault.

I imagined that stepping off the coffee train would bring about a revolution in my thinking.  I wanted to see more forest and less trees; I wanted to take the ten thousand foot view.  And it’s helping, a little, but it’s not the sea change I was hoping for.  Coffee was great at motivating my obsessions with detail, but I realize now that coffee addiction was not my only problem.

Sometimes my brain is like a restless squirrel, hopping and twitching and sprinting and scanning the ground for nuts.  On coffee, my mind was always darting off in a million directions, leaving projects unfinished and thoughts incomplete everywhere. But without it, I just as easily fall into a funk of indecision.  If I really want to organize my mind and my life, I’ll need to find some discipline.  (Is there a drink for that?)

5 Responses to “Coffee Project: Day Fifty-Eight”

  1. justa Says:

    if it’s any consolation, the effects of caffeine on my body skyrocket after a i go for a while without it. which makes it really easy to do it in moderation!

  2. Mr DeJerk Says:

    As I mentioned before, what has been working for me is drinking coffee only on my weekends. Because what Justa said is so true, once I have a cup in the morning, I’m good to go, without craving for many more. I also take my time, appreciating my weekend treat.
    Something else that you might consider trying (with moderation) is Kratom ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kratom ). It doesn’t taste that good, but I really liked the effects. I tried it only once, though, so, obviously, I’m no expert.

  3. steev Says:

    Happy birthday, Mykle!

    hope it has been a fun one.

    btw, today me and jon were looking at some of your code, trying to see if a bug fix you put into a drupal module was neccessary in a later version. we decided we both needed more coffee in order to figure it out. hah.

  4. Pj Says:

    I however use kratom a lot. As a matter of fact, I’m on it now. It’s a tree leaf from southeast asia that is a stimulant in small amounts and a downer in large. It’s something you want to do only once or twice a week, but man do things get done! It’s great for pain relief too. Just as easy to over use as coffee, so be careful.

  5. raquel Says:

    Dear Mykle,

    if i were coffee, i would understand you, and i would forgive you. i’m sorry i’m not coffee and we can’t have this heart to heart conversation. i know maybe it would help you a little.

    also, maybe you don’t reeeeeally need to organize your mind or your life. maybe if you do it, you won’t be the Mykle we love. a little bit of chaos goes a long way. don’t get rid of it.

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