Back in Portland just in time for more rain, FAMH will read from The Cannibal’s Guide To Ethical Living this Monday Night (tomorrow, that is) as part of Smallpressapalooza, Powell’s Books’ festival of the micro, indie and willfully obscure in today’s literature. And not alone: see also Eraserhead Press label-mate David Agranof (presenting parts of The Vegan Revolution … With Zombies!), Microcosmonaut Joe Biel (reading from Bipedal By Pedal) and a host of other talented talents. (Check the complete schedule here.) It’s a four hour rock-block of raw underground voices and occasional snack breaks that starts at 6pm, with Mr. Hansen “headlining”* at 9:30. On a Monday night, one could do worse.

* The presence of actual lines on Mr. Hansen’s head at this event cannot be confirmed at this time. However, his newly aquired Arizona tan will be available for public basking-in.

Reading! Tuscon! Arizona!

Rejoyce generally! Soon, Mr. Hansen will escape the eternal dreariness of Portland winter to read at REVOLUTIONARY GROUNDS BOOKS & COFFEE in sunny Tuscon, AZ!

Mykle Hansen, author of the comic novel HELP! A BEAR IS EATING ME!, returns with
THE CANNIBAL’S GUIDE TO ETHICAL LIVING, a bizarro tale of fine dining, bad behavior, manners, money and meat, now available from Eraserhead Press.

In a remote and dangerous corner of the ocean, the renowned gourmet and food journalist Louis De Gustibus is held captive by an elite chef — and vegan cannibal — named André. But André would never eat his dear friend Louis. Andre only eats millionaires! Over a five star French meal of fine wine, organic produce and human flesh, a lunatic delivers a witty, chilling, disturbingly sane argument in favor of eating the rich.

For this event, Mr. Hansen will read from his new novel and from works in progress, answer all questions, autograph things, and draw funny animal pictures. He invites all of Tuscon to come have a beer with him afterwards. It all happens on the evening of Wednesday, March 23rd, at seven in the evening. Do come!

606 N 4th Avenue, Tucson, AZ, 85705

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Take To The Ship!

This Friday February 11 at Powell’s City Of Books, FAMH will read out loud from Herman Melville’s homoerotic classic, MOBY DICK, as part of TAKE TO THE SHIP, an epic 24-hour marathon reading of the entire novel!

Mr. Hansen will read Chapter Three, “The Spouter Inn,” thereby setting up Powell’s own Kevin Sampsell for all the funny parts in Chapter Four. And one hundred thirty three other readers will read the other one hundred thirty three chapters — that’s twenty-four hours of Dick! It’ll be a festive who’s-who of Portland literary and artistic talent, and the entire reading will be recorded for posterity.

For both fans of the Melville masterpiece, and those who have never cracked its pages, the reading will celebrate the epic sweep of one of the greatest reads in history, as well support the IPRC. When first published, Moby Dick was a near flop. It remains a totem to the importance of small, independent publishing for keeping alive great works ahead of their time.

I Was An Asshole

Today THOUGHT CATALOG has republished “I Was An Asshole,” the Afterword to the new edition of EYEHEART EVERYTHING. In it, Mr. Hansen relates his entry into self-publishing, and the embarrassing details of his fracas with a famous literary personage whose notoriety will not be exploited here.

(But it will be over there.)


That’s not a statement of personal preference, but a cold fact! Mykle Hansen’s recently-reissued short story collection is now available for crisp, satisfying download and e-ink rapture!

Don’t believe us? Just ask this unicorn!

Unicorns don't lie

Unicorns are the most attention-grabbing mythical creature on the Internet


Some books just won’t stay dead!


EYEHEART EVERYTHING, Mykle Hansen’s first published collection of short stories, has just been re-released in a new Ten-Year-Annivarsary format.  Let us sing its praises!

  • Larger! (Slightly.)
  • Glossier!
  • Kevin Sampsell, author of A COMMON PORNOGRAPHY and editor of Future Tense Books, has graciously contributed a Foreword.
  • I WAS AN ASSHOLE, an Afterword by Mr. Hansen, reflects on his ten-year history with this improbably popular book.
  • The new, enhanced ISBN adds three new digits to the classic ten-digit ISBN of yore.
  • Many spelling corrections, a few tasteful edits.
  • Back cover enhanced with manic scribbling!
  • No longer triggers airport metal detectors.

It’s back on sale at and Powells Books, and available in the Ingram catalog for the first time ever.  Autographed copies available right here.

The Authors Speak!

We warned you … and now it’s here!  Happy Escape From Thanksgiving, everyone!  For the next 24 hours, we’ll be sashaying up and down the Internet like a tramp on meth, in a degrading but hopefully eye-catching effort to bring attention to Mr. Hansen’s new book, and the new books of his associates David Agranoff and Chris Genoa.  They are good books, we want you to buy them, we want your friends to buy them.  But more than anything, we want to keep you interested.

And we’ve just fired the first salvo from our formidable cannons of interesting!  THE AUTHORS SPEAK — Eric Mays’ online journal for avid readers, writers, and fans of the written word — has just published a seasonally-themed bidirectional interview between Misters Hansen and Agranoff — a polite but impassioned chat about ethics, zombies, cannibals, veganism, French cooking and Thanksgiving.  Check it out!

(We bet you didn’t even know they were bidirectional.)

Escape From Thanksgiving!

Welcome, America, to the Season of Guilt, a.k.a. The Holidays. Right now you’re probably feeling bad about yourself for one of the following traditional reasons:

  • You are either missing absent members of your family, or dreading the approach of a family member who is never absent enough — for instance, your insufferable great aunt Maude who arrives later today by Greyhound and needs to be picked up in a car she can smoke cigars in.
  • You either feel guilt for not cooking Thanksgiving dinner yourself, or you worry you won’t cook it well enough to please certain hard-to-please members of your family — such as your stormy vegetarian nephew Albert, who called you a fascist last year because you used the word “giblets” in conversation.
  • Either you are recently unemployed or you’re working twice as hard as usual because your employers just laid off everybody else.  And yet you know that Black Friday is coming, and with it the fiscal & emotional demands of Christmas gift-giving — demands such as from your daughter Phina who demands a new iPod because the one you gave her last year is scratched, and “boring”.

Here at Famous Author Mykle Hansen, we empathize deeply with your holiday depression. We’re stressed too. We just finally published a new novel — a year’s worth of work! — and you’d think it’s time for a rest and a well-deserved meal, but no! Now we have to sell the damn thing! Which shouldn’t be hard, because it’s a great book (we’d know, we wrote it) but nobody’s heard of it yet because it’s only been on the shelves for a week.

That’s why we’re asking you to take a moment for yourself this Thursday — a moment with your real family, your online family over here in Internet-land. At some point this Thursday you’ll be fed up, ready to scream, past your limit. And while the furious hurling of cranberries is always cathartic, odds are good that you’d be stuck with the cleanup. Instead, why not excuse yourself to your private study, toolshed or car — or wherever a decent Internet connection can be found.  There you’ll find the soothing succor of the Interwebs: lolcats, dwarf porn, and us.

Because it’s at that blackest moment of holiday madness that you’re most likely to need the healing power of comedy!  And this Thanksgiving we offer you three (3!) new books that combine sardonic, Bizarro comedy with a proud denunciation of the hell that is Thanksgiving dinner.  They are:

THE CANNIBAL’S GUIDE TO ETHICAL LIVING, by Mykle Hansen, is the story of a man who loves to cook and to eat, and of the men he loves to cook and eat. It takes place over the course of a seven course French meal, a meal even more excruciating that the one you’ll be at this Thanksgiving.  Everything difficult and awkward about polite dining is hilarious and disturbing about this book.

LICK YOUR NEIGHBOR, by Chris Genoa, combines a whodunnit about a murdered pet turkey named Gus with an eerie Pilgrim-era tale of witchcraft, double-crossing and animal husbandry at the original Thanksgiving dinner.  It’s every bit as profane, ridiculous and surprising a book as you’d expect from the author of FOOP! — a book that Christopher Moore called “a surreal pie in the face.”  And it has ninjas.

THE VEGAN REVOLUTION … WITH ZOMBIES is by David Agranoff.  It’s zombie Portland hipsters versus lovable vegans armed with shotguns.  If that’s not  a good reason to read a book, I don’t know what is!

So this Thanksgiving, we’d like to ask your support in purchasing these three books from .  By doing so, you’ll be helping out independent authors, getting a head start on your Christmas shopping and spending precious moments away from your family.

Furthermore, by making your purchase on Thanksgiving you’ll help us to reach other disaffected Amazon shoppers stuck in the same sad gravy boat as yourself. That’s why there are no BUY NOW buttons on this page. We’d rather you BUY THEN. Together we can get the Amazon salesrank for these books below ten thousand on Thanksgiving.  And if we do that, just for one day, will start recommending these books to random strangers!  Random strangers who are just as depressed and confused as the rest of us.  Random strangers who need help deciding what book to buy.  Random strangers who need you!

So this Thanksgiving, please help us help you to help yourself, help your family, help some random strangers and, above all, help us.  Join Mykle Hansen, David Agranoff and Chris Genoa for ESCAPE FROM THANKSGIVING!

NEW! The Cannibal's Guide to Ethical Living

The Cannibal's Guide to Ethical Living

Eraserhead Press has just released Mykle Hansen’s latest novel: THE CANNIBAL’S GUIDE TO ETHICAL LIVING! It’s a dark comedy of madness, money and haute cuisine.  Mr. Hansen reportedly considers it the bee’s knees.

“In a remote and dangerous corner of the ocean, the renowned gourmet and food journalist Louis De Gustibus is held captive by an elite chef-and vegan cannibal-named André. But André would never eat his dear friend Louis. Andre only eats millionaires!”

“The Guide” (as we at FAMH have taken to calling it) will enjoy a “coming out” party at this year’s BIZARROCON and a World Promotional Tour of Ultimate Promotion in spring 2011.  But you don’t have to wait as long as that — you can order it now from!

Watch this space for more information, as we manage the exciting transition from full-time-novel-writing to full-time-novel-promoting.

EYEHEART EVERYTHING: Is dead, long live.

Today we sold our very last copy of the limited edition hand-bound ‘zine in book form, EYEHEART EVERYTHING.

It took ten years to sell seven hundred of these. Whew.

If you don’t already own a first edition paperback of this book, we can’t really help you. We could yesterday, but no longer.  Sorry.  Powell’s Books may have a few left on the shelves, and lists various used copies, some at unfortunately inflated “rare book” prices.

However, if you’re willing to wait a few weeks, you will then be able to purchase the new, second edition of EYEHEART EVERYTHING. It won’t be hand-bound, or collectable, or rare. But it will feature a new introduction by Kevin Sampsel, an afterward by the author, and several edits suggested by Dave Eggers.

More on that as it happens.  Thanks again for all your support.